Long story short: I found a security-hole type thing in some of RIT's servers. I contacted ITS (RIT's systems and network team) about the problem. I heard from the grapevine that they wouldn't fix it (this may or may not be true). So as a way of venting anger towards fucktard sysadmins, I wrote this article. It explains why setting my shell to /bin/false is NOT preventing me from using ssh on your machine.

Link: http://www.csh.rit.edu/~psionic/articles/ssh-security